This song has been playing in my head a lot over the past two weeks. Sometimes it's hard to believe it's only been two weeks...the time has really dragged on and sometimes it feels like forever since we lost our baby. I have moments that catch me completely off guard and I find myself sobbing. I never knew that you could miss something so much that you never really got to know. I always felt bad for women who had miscarriages, but I never really understood their pain. Oh boy, do I understand it now! It's a pain that I would never wish on any woman, or any family.
Steven has had a hard too. Some men don't get attached until the baby arrives, but not Steven. He gets attached the minute I say "I'm pregnant!", so he has taken it very hard. The kids have done OK. Brianna will occasionally come over to me and say "Mommy, I'm sad the baby died." I just hug her and say that I am sad too. And then, life goes on. And that's exactly how it should be. We can't stop forever, even though some days it's harder to get moving then others. But I make myself get up, get dressed, make my bed (it's less tempting to crawl back in it if it's made!), brush my teeth and hair. Luckily I have two little guys at home with me all day, so I'm forced to get on with life. And more than that, they keep me laughing and playing and for that I am very grateful!
This weekend Steven and I are going with some great friends to Gatlinburg. We have a cabin up in the mountains, with a view and a hot tub (holla!!! lol!) It's going to be a great trip, and one that we really need! We haven't been away, just us, since Brianna was 11 months old. And that trip was to Gatlinburg too! But we're glad to be going with this group of friends (there will be 6 couples total, all from our church) And after the last two weeks, the time to be alone, and just be Steven and Kari, and not Mommy and Daddy will be very welcome time.
Here's a video I found on YouTube for the Casting Crowns song "I Will Praise You in the Storm". This song has helped me a lot over the past two weeks. It's my reminder that no matter what path we are walking in our lives, Jesus is right there beside us, and we never walk it alone. I learned a long time ago to praise Him in the storm...and we've been able to do that even now. It's been a great comfort!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
I Will Praise You in the Storm
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2 comments:
My thoughts are with your family still. Thank you for sharing your feelings though. I think it is important to share how you feel. I hope you have a fantastic weekend away. I've always wanted to go there and will hopefully get there before we leave TN.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and your feelings. I admire you for sharing with your children. Out of all of our losses, my children don't know about any of them (yet). Of course, we lost two before we ever had my first daughter, so I had already adopted the "wait to tell", but even now I worry about how she would handle it so we just haven't told them. I do plan on it when they are older though.
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